He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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