Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
