You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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