There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize