is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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