Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
