the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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