these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize