He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
