dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
