mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
