he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my being single is dangerous.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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