it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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