I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
