grandma shit on top of the toilet
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
