Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
