This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
