Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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