Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
