How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
