cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize