dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
