Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
