how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
