Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
