I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
