i just had sex bonerless
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
