remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
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