Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We need to get me chipped asap
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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