Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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