I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
