spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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