Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
