It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
