yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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