Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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