ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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