She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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