honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
