she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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