If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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