He kissed a someone with a penis
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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