I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
