Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
