Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
only you would photoshop your dick
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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