found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
