whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i will never coherently bang her
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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