I got chris browned last night
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
