just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
