She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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