i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
