Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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