He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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