So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize