there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
