I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
