His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
