Pregnant stripper...not hot.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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