Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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