I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
zippers are such a cool invention
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That accounts for only three of the penises
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
