I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
