So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
