u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
